Changing as an Artist.
I want to relate something that happened before I hung my show Stolen Culture in my Gallery. The day of the hanging, I looked at all the traditional work that was then on the walls and I was struck by a feeling. It struck me that all the work I have been doing for forty eight years was painted for my peers. For all the California painters I was trying to impress. In the course of learning to paint, I have been painting for them. For My teachers, family and everyone else. Subconsciously for my parents.
The work for Stolen Culture and the upcoming show Matriarch's is all work I did for myself. For no other reason than to make art that spoke to me. This move into a contemporary realm, I discovered, is my future as an artist. This may also be an effect of coming here to New Mexico to work. I feel I am really painting now. I am tapping into my own style. My own way. I have, after all these years started painting differently. More expressively. I live a secluded life. Few friends or acquaintances I hang with. This leaves me a lot of time to think about my work. I don't go out or socialize much. I feel I have now cut a cord to traditional painting and discovered who I am as a painter.
I know this sounds crazy, but when making all these paintings, I had a clearer sense that the work had little to do with my past work or what others would think of it.
I know without all my early training and hard work to learn to paint, this new work would not have happened. Now I am exploring new techniques and ways to paint. To make images that have more to do with the work than to impress. To say something with this new work. They are not just pictures painted for friends and family or my peers anymore. Leaving the influences of all the artists I love and admire, here in New Mexico, I seem to have discovered myself as an artist. I have tapping into a part of me I didn't know existed. My own way for myself. I am telling you this because, if you stay alert and keep pursuing and looking forward, it is possible to change and more importantly grow as an artist. It was a risk, but a risk I needed to take or stay in the past and make more of the same and feel I never measured up to all those who were so influential in my education, growth and style.
When I paint now, there is a freedom I feel that has no attachment to what I have been doing. All I can say is I am at a point where I am my own painter. Creating something more personal to me sans any traditional influences. And my painting style is still evolving because of the Stolen Culture pieces. In fact it has led to painting an additional group of newer works for another show.
Being here and having largely been left alone by others I have known, I have become a better painter. I can say that now and I am looking forward, at age seventy five, to creating better work. My own work.
Being an artist, I am an outsider. Ultimately, all artists are outsiders. I feel I have moved forward in ability, knowledge, technique and skill level and I am anxious to paint. Please understand I am not bragging here. And it has not gone to my head. The purpose of painting has just become clearer to me. Many things are becoming clearer by being here and painting these two shows.
The article in the Local paper has caused people who talk to me and come and take notice. Before this show I had my doubts and seriously questioned my ability to say something new and interesting. I was afraid all my best work was behind me. But I know now all the work I have done was my training and education for now. For today and the rest of my time as a painter. This may not make sense to you. It is hard to find the words to express my feelings fully.
I guess the point I am making is never give up. Never think you can't improve. There is always the possibility you can learn more. You can do better work. If you hit an impasse, stop and give yourself a breather. Re-evaluate your entire process. Stop painting for others. Paint for yourself. I wanted to share these thoughts with you.



